Sharing my story

I wrote this post at the end of January when I found out I was pregnant. I added an update to it at the bottom and have finally found the guts to post it. It has not been proof read so hang in there with me...

I share this story for new mamas that are struggling with their weight and body. I was there and felt that I fell into the trap of thinking it would come off on its own. For some, yes. For me, no. Here's my story.

55 pounds is how much I gained during my first pregnancy. Yes. 55 pounds. Now I know that some people out there have gained more than that and I know some that have only gained 15 pounds. Everyone is different...blah blah blah. To be honest, I had no filter when I was pregnant. I was teaching 3rd grade during most of my pregnancy- weeks 14-36. My teacher friends know it is impossible to not gain weight teaching. I probably gained 20 pounds over my 4 years of teaching for many reasons. One year I had the sweetest family bring me a coffee and doughnut every Friday. The teachers lounge was full of left over goodies. Who knows how many cokes I drank during my first year of teaching. I quickly switched over the Diet Coke my second year hoping the pounds wouldn't come on as fast.

It is even harder to fight the food at school if you are pregnant. Mr. Hale would always share a doughnut with me every week during my pregnancy. Or the chicken biscuits they sold every week. Then there is the factor where I would beg Mr. McKnight to go and buy me Chick Fil A after Math class on his way to his next school. Also, in the office there was always something sweet to eat. Basically, there is food and candy all over the school and it is near impossible to not gain weight. I also had the mind set, "I am pregnant- I can eat whatever and whenever." During the last few months of my pregnancy I requested TCBY every night.- I craved chocolate yogurt with crushed peanut butter cups. It also helped that the TCBY was less than 5 minutes from our rental home. Needless to say- I now see and know where all of that 55 pounds came from!

After I had Little B I was starving all of the time because I was bfeeding. I had many friends tell me the pounds would fall off as I continued bfeeding because it did for them. I continued to eat whatever and whenever. I had to buy bigger clothes. My rings didn't fit and I thought I would never lose all of the weight! Then we found out that we were moving to Tampa! Life became a whirlwind. I was doing my best to take care of little man and everything that was spinning around us that I forgot to take care of myself. During the months of May, June and July I ate and ate and ate. Everytime I thought of what was happening, I would turn to food- comfort food. I remember when we were getting settled in our new home in Tampa we would order out food every night. I remember thinking, Tampa has the best food ever! I was finding joy in food instead of leaning on my maker and facing reality. I think during June and July I only allowed myself to be in one picture. I was so embarrassed of how I looked. I knew since the move I had put back on at least 20 pounds and had really lost control of my body. One night Bradford complimented me by saying, "Honey, I am so proud of how you have handled the move. I don't think you have cried once." I started balling right then. I told him that I was turning to food to keep me happy and that I was in my lowest point with myself in life. I made a commitment that night with him to hold me accountable. I met with a new gynocologist in August and she helped me plan out a diet and exercise program to help me get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. She also informed me that my body was holding water weight and that I would lose it once I stopped breastfeeding. Really wanting my rings to fit and to shed some pounds I was faced with a big question- should I stop bfeeding to get my body back or should I keep going with it but continue to be down about my body? I decided to continue bfeeding but watch my calories (1500 would be a regular day but since I was bfeeding I could eat 1800- however cutting my calories made my supply go down- so by November I was almost dry)

One thing my doctor suggested was to walk/run 4 days a week for 45 minutes or longer. Since it was summer and it was deathly hot in Florida, I turned to Jillian Michaels 30 day shred work out DVD. I committed to doing it 5 days a week- basically work out for three days straight- then take a day off- on my days off I would take an hour walk to visit the horses with Little B. I remember doing my first workout-Level One- I couldn't even finish doing the jumping jacks. And then there was the push ups that I did on my knees for months. Slowly but surely I worked my way up to Level Two. I never thought I would make it to Level Three but by mid November I was ready for the challenge of Level Three. Over the course of the 3 levels I saw small changes. But once I had been doing :evel Three for a few weeks I could really see the changes. I 100% recommend Jillian. I tell people she was my first friend in Tampa :) I had muscles in my legs I had never seen before and it is only 20 minutes a day!

The other recommendation the doctor made was to eat a very simple dinner. One green and one lean meat. At first this was hard but I soon learned that the meat was my treat. The meats I would eat were chicken, pork chops or steaks off of the grill. My greens were usually spinach salad, broccoli or grilled zucchini. Since the hubby is in need of weight gain :) I would cook him a baked potato or fix him a ranch and bacon salad to eat with our dinner. After dinner if I just had to eat a sweet as I am known to need- I would eat 2 graham crackers. Also a key- we eat dinner every night at 6:00. I would eat the graham crackers around 7 after I put B down and then would be done for the night. As far as the other meals- it varied. Usually a cliff bar for breakfast and a turkey sandwich with fruit for lunch. In the afternoons I would eat a clementine or peanut butter on graham cracker to get me through the afternoon. Graham crackers were my go to!

Here is my weightloss break down:

From August to September I lost 10 pounds.

From September to October I lost 6 pounds.

From October to November I lost 10 pounds.(I also quit breastfeeding so this helped me lose my water weight I was still holding on. My rings finally fit again too!)

From November to December I lost 6 pounds.

And from December to mid January I lost 10 pounds.

A total of 42 pounds! I made it to 10 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight with Bradford.

I have learned so much about myself over these last few months. First, that I faced some really big changes and that it was okay to cry and be sad. I just needed to lean on HIM and his word to get me through it- not food. Second- I love who God has made me to be and it is important to love myself. If I don't love myself, how can I expect others to love me. The Lord really taught me this over these last few months. Third- It is possible to be healthy and still enjoy eating. I now will eat Chick FIl A every once in a while. Or I will enjoy the girl scout cookies in my pantry! BUT- the key is to watch your calorie intake and make exercising a part of your everyday life.

Have you made it through my 55 something story?

I will not be trying to LOSE anymore weight because we are expecting baby number 2. We praise HIM for it is in HIS time that the little nugget was made! Also, thank the Lord that I got my eating and exercising under control. I try not to even go down the thought path of where I would have been if I had not lost 42 pounds.

My first trimester hasn't been so easy. When I usually workout- I nap. When I am feeling nauseous- I eat. Also, I am craving things that I hadn't gotten to eat in forever....which makes me want them bad. I have given into a lot of the cravings(pizza, wendy's frosty, wendy's nuggets,hamburgers, CORNDOG) in hopes that I won't want them anymore. So far the only thing that I still crave is pizza. I am loving some meat- bacon, steak, chicken, burger, BBQ. These cravings seem to point to boy!

Added to the original post in March:

At my 12 week ultrasound I heard words from the doctor I thought I would never hear: "You need to gain weight- you haven't gained any in your first trimester. Are you eating three meals a day?" My jaw dropped. I have never had someone tell me to gain weight. I told her not to tell me that as I gained alot in my last one and that the weight is coming. I have only done Jillian once a week since January and I can see that I have lost alot of my muscles. Especially in my legs. I know I am not eating healthy and am definitely taking in more calories than I was before but I think it is evening out as I am losing my muscle weight.

Current post:

I am now 20 weeks and halfway done! I don't do Jillian anymore. I have gained a total of 5.5 pounds. I wish I knew how much I had already gained by 20 weeks with Bradford. Probably 30 pounds! I will say that chasing around an 15 month old keeps the pounds down for sure! There is not time to eat since we don't sit still for more than a minute.

I have lost almost all of my muscle in my legs and arms. I regret not getting to workout to maintain what I worked so hard for but life has thrown me some curve balls and working out just hasn't been on the radar. I do know that exercising and eating right is a lifestyle that you have to choose. If you take a month off- all of your hard work for months will be lost. I know how confident I feel in myself when I am working out and eating healthy and look forward to getting back to that soon once normalcy starts to set in again.

Sharing your real story is something that I am learning has power. I love sitting at book club, BSF or church and hearing people's real story. You never know who is struggling with the same thing. I thank those that have shared their story and have inspired me to share mine.

This is the one and only picture I was in during the month of July- I was massive. This is the night of our 5 year anniversary- First time to visit Bern's!

This picture is September after I had lost 10 pounds

This was taken in February- shredded and pregnant!